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Listen Carefully – I Shall Say This Only Once
August 2003
Do you regularly open your mouth
and close your ears?
In a survey of US executives 80% said
that listening is one of the most important skills people need
to be
successful at work.
I’d go much further than this and say that it’s a key
skill you need in order to have a fulfilling life. However, these
same executives also thought that most people needed to improve
their listening skills.
To illustrate the point, think about
the times when you have played Chinese whispers? I’ve never yet
known the phrase that starts the game off to be the same at the
end – have you?
Good Listening Behaviour
-
Active listening – use your body language to show you are
interested (e.g. lean forward, nod your head etc.) and when
appropriate regularly summarise, clarify and feedback what the
speaker has
just said
- Always check your understanding – don’t
assume (ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME), if you don’t
understand say so
- Try to listen with an open mind - be aware
of the influence your personal bias and style has on what
you are listening to
- Listen to what is being
said, not what you want to hear – as
the old saying goes ‘There are none so deaf as
those who do not wish to hear’.
- Wait until the speaker
has finished asking the question and then pause before
answering - don’t spend the time you
should be listening to the speaker planning your response
- This
pause can be very powerful – it shows you are
considering what you’ve heard before answering
- Take
notes if appropriate – a clear signal that
you value what the speaker is saying
- Use other non-verbal
communication signals – to confirm
you understand what you are hearing
- If you’re in a hurry - postpone the conversation
to a time when you can actively listen
- Don’t
get emotional – your emotions can
become a barrier to you accurately hearing
what the
speaker
is saying
Getting People
to Listen
- Know what your audience
values – make sure you include
something of value in what you are saying
for them
- Voice style and tone have a huge
impact on the amount people hear – the
phrase "Jimmy made what is a dry
subject very interesting" makes
the point well.
- Develop your ability
to alter your style and tone to suit
audiences and the content
- People stop
listening when a speaker uses a dull and monotonous tone and
style even if the content
is riveting
- Look confident when speaking (even if you aren’t!)
- Be
enthusiastic and look as though you are enjoying speaking on
the subject
John Casson’s
rules include:
1. Stop
talking
2. Stop the mental chat
3. Stop answering back
4. Let them finish
5. Hear them out
6. Try to understand the
speaker not ‘beat’ them
7.
Not only listen but
be seen to be listening
8.
Keep down your prejudices
9. Listen with patience
10. Delay reactions
11. Distinguish between
fact, inference,
assumption
and judgement
Written by Mark Allen
Qualitar Consulting Ltd
© Qualitar Consulting Limited. All rights reserved. If you share
these tips with others please always include our copyright and
say they came from Qualitar.
If you would like more information
on the results we can deliver and the services we provide please
e-mail us at enquiries@qualitar.co.uk
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